Jumping to the End: A Lifetime Struggle with Mental Illness and Alcoholism

Robert Rickelman had suffered from crippling anxiety his entire life. Then, he found his perfect life coach—alcohol. When he drank, he was fearless and unflappable, and comfortable in his own skin. He entered law school and drank his way through three semesters. By then, alcohol had insinuated itself into every aspect of his life, and he realized that he would never be a lawyer. He dropped out of school and bounced from one crummy job to another. After an attempted suicide, Robert spent a month in a psychiatric hospital where he was diagnosed as Seriously Mentally Ill (SMI). Through the years, he has been a frequent patient at various Tucson psych wards. He put his wife, Pat, through hell as doctors prescribed a litany of medications, including antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications, and antipsychotics. During his frequent hospitalizations, Robert scribbled notes on scraps of paper or anything he could find to write on. This memoir is the result of his cobbling together his stories over many years. Robert is a survivor in spite of himself, and he believes his message is valuable.